im sort of seriously considering running away from home. Of course I see how unrational that thought actually is and then I start crying because I dont know what to do anymore. I explained it fully to mel and she understood.
"now my mom's like "im not going to do it anymore" and whine whine whine about how jon's mother is a bitch and how she's been so robbed and used..yes she was, in a way, but she's MY MOTHER, she's in charge of my happiness. she knows how close i am to all of you. so now her pulling the rug out from underneith me, i feel i have been let down. hard. because she was my only prayer of spending time with any of you"
and what stings more, is how i wonder if anyone else cares. nobody else is making an effort to get to me are they? Except mel and Ir. Mel is taking a train to portland and back to boston early june and Ir is hopefully coming down here in july with her mom. I hope that works out. But everyone else doesnt seem to care whether they spend time with me or not. If I do everything, sure. But it doesnt really matter.
Sometimes you wonder if they even care about trying. oh well. i think im just really sad and negative and everything bad..i need to detox of all these bad feelings..hence im writing.
Writing is the perfect detox-mechanism. You can cut, die, or write. I try my best to choose writing over that latter, and so far i think i've done well.
::smiles tiredly:: I got a new LJ picture, which is the best AFI album ever. Black sails in the sunset. I love AFI so much. I think it's their lyrics. They arent fucking stupid like SUM 41 [new stuff..some old >.<] and blink 182. They're deep. Yay for someone[s] who thinks.
Another reason I love emo. It has brains. and a heart. It thinks and feels. In fact, I shall go download some RIGHT now.
"Your entrails will become your extrails!"